Valentine's Day :-(

It's Valentine's Day... I have been really trying to remember that I would rather be alone then with that lying, cheating, abusive, jerk but it's still hard to understand how he could just move on to the next girl so fast. He actually had the nerve to tell me he ended it only 2% so he could make this date with this chick. Seriously???!!! No, he didn't end it until after he made the date AND slept with her. Ugh!!!!!


Oh and have I mentioned that he told me that all his friends hate me......?

Ok lets focus in on that for a minute because it annoys me. I first want to admit some things. I am not perfect (no one is). I do not like everyone I meet. Like most people I gravitate more toward certain people. So I am not naive enough to think that everyone I meet likes me. That being said, when he tells me, "All my friends fucking hated you." I am filled with anger and resentment. You know they didn't hate me, they hated the person he told them I was. They hated the monster he made me out to be. I am not that person. Its funny how differently the victim handles the abuse outwardly verses the abuser. I hid every nasty thing he ever did or said to me. The only way anyone knew of any specific incident was if they witnessed it or I had to tell them for some reason. I was so worried about people seeing his true colors. I was embarrassed that I allowed myself to go through this. I wanted them to think that he was more good then bad. He on the other hand, told people I was crazy. I never let him go out. I never trusted him yet I always went out with my friends and expected him to leave me alone. I'm sure he told them I hated them too. Sure if that was the whole story then I'd hate me too. But its not and I need to except that they will never know that. They will forever congratulate him for losing his "baggage" and that's ok. I met some nice people through him and I wish they would have known the real me but at least I know who I am.

So anyways back to "Singles Awareness Day" it sucks but I am going to make the best of it. I plan to spend the evening with people that love me. Which is really what this day should be about. Show appreciation to the most important people in your life because they are the ones who deserve your time.